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title: Star Trek Lost Episodes
author: unknown
- Picard
- "Mr. LaForge, have you had any success with your attempts at finding a
weakness in the Borg? And Mr. Data, have you been able to access their
command pathways?"
- Geordi
- "Yes, Captain. In fact, we found the answer by searching through our
archives on late Twentieth-century computing technology."
- Geordi presses a key, and a logo appears on the computer screen.
- Riker
- puzzled. "What the hell is 'Microsoft'?"
- Data
- turns to answer "Allow me to explain. We will send this program, for some
reason called 'Windows', through the Borg command pathways. Once inside
their root command unit, it will begin consuming system resources at an
unstoppable rate."
- Picard
- "But the Borg have the ability to adapt. Won't they alter their processing
systems to increase their storage capacity?"
- Data
- "Yes, Captain. But when 'Windows' detects this, it creates a new version
of itself known as an 'upgrade'. The use of resources increases
exponentially with each iteration. The Borg will not be able to adapt
quickly enough. Eventually all of their processing ability will be taken
over and none will be available for their normal operational functions."
- Picard
- "Excellent work. This is even better than that 'unsolvable geometric
shape' idea."
- . . . 15 Minutes Later . .
- Data
- "Captain, We have successfully installed the 'Windows' in the command unit
and as expected it immediately consumed 85% of all resources. We however
have not received any confirmation of the expected 'upgrade'."
- Geordi
- "Our scanners have picked up an increase in Borg storage and CPU capacity
to compensate, but we still have no indication of an 'upgrade' to
compensate for their increase."
- Picard
- "Data, scan the history banks again and determine if their is something we
have missed."
- Data
- "Sir, I believe there is a reason for the failure in the 'upgrade'.
Appearently the Borg have circumvented that part of the plan by not
sending in their registration cards.
- Riker
- "Captain we have no choice. Requesting permission to begin emergency
escape sequence 3F . . ." "Wait, Captain; I just detected their CPU
capacity has suddenly dropped to 0% !"
- Picard
- "Data, what does your scanners show?"
- Data
- "Appearently the Borg have found the internal 'Windows' module named
'Solitaire' and it has used up all the CPU capacity."
- Picard
- "Lets wait and see how long this 'solitaire' can reduce their
functionality."
- . . . Two Hours Pass . . .
- Riker
- "Geordi, what's the status on the Borg?"
- Geordi
- "As expected the Borg are attempting to re-engineer to compensate for
increased CPU and storage demands, but each time they successfully
increase resources I have setup our closest deep space monitor beacon to
transmit more 'windows' modules from something called the 'Microsoft
fun-pack'.
- Picard
- "How much time will that buy us ?"
- Data
- "Current Borg solution rates allow me to predicate an interest time span
of 6 more hours."
- Geordi
- "Captain, another vessel has entered our sector."
- Picard
- "Identify."
- Data
- "It appears to have markings very similar to the 'Microsoft' logo"
- Over the speakers
- "THIS IS ADMIRAL BILL GATES OF THE MICROSOFT FLAGSHIP MONOPOLY. WE HAVE
POSITIVE CONFIRMATION OF UNREGISTERED SOFTWARE IN THIS SECTOR. SURREDER
ALL ASSETS AND WE CAN AVOID ANY TROUBLE. YOU HAVE 10 SECONDS"
- Data
- "The alien ship has just opened its forward hatches and released thousands
of humanoid shaped objects."
- Picard
- "Magnify forward viewer on the alien craft"
- Riker
- "Good God captain! Those are humans floating straight toward the Borg ship
with no life support suits ! How can they survive the tortures of deep
space ?!"
- Data
- "I don't believe that those are humans sir, if you will look closer I
believe you will see that they are carrying something recognized by
twenty-first century man as doe skin leather briefcases, and wearing
Armani suits"
- Riker and Picard together
- (horrified) "Lawyers !!"
- Geordi
- "It can't be. All the Lawyers were rounded up and sent hurtling into the
sun in 2017 during the Great Awakening."
- Data
- "True, but appearently some must have survived."
- Riker
- "They have surrounded the Borg ship and are covering it with all types of
papers."
- Data
- "I believe that is known in ancient venacular as 'red tape' it often
proves fatal."
- Riker
- "They're tearing the Borg to pieces !"
- Picard
- "Turn off the monitors. I can't stand to watch, not even the Borg deserve
that."
- Microsoft, and Windows are Trademarks of Microsoft Corp.
Star Trek, Star Trek the Next Generation, and STTNG characters are trademarks
and copyright of Paramount Television.
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