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title: Christmas on the Enterprise
author: unknown
- 'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the ship
- Not a circuit was buzzing, not one microchip:
- The phasers were hung in the armory securely,
- In hope that no alien would get up that early.
- The crewmen were nestled all snug in their bunks
- Except for the few who were partying drunks.
- And Picard in his nightshirt, and Bev in her lace,
- Had just settled down for a neat face to face. . .
- When out in the hall there arose such a racket,
- That we leapt from our beds, pulling on pants and jacket.
- Away to the lifts we all shot like a gun,
- Leapt into the turbos and shouted "Deck One!"
- The bridge red-alert lights, which flashed through the din,
- Gave a lustre of Hades to objects within.
- When, what on the viewscreen, our eyes should behold,
- But a weird kind of sleigh, and some guy who looked old.
- but the glint in his eyes was so strange and askew,
- That we knew in a moment it had to be Q.
- His sleigh grew much larger as closer he came.
- Then he zapped on the bridge and addressed us by name:
- "It's Riker, It's Data, It's Worf and Jean-Luc!
- It's Geordi, Weasley, the genetic fluke!
- To the top of the bridge, to the top of the hull!
- Now float away! Float away!
- Float away all!"
- As leaves in the autumn are whisked off the street,
- So the floor of the bridge came away from our feet,
- And up to the ceiling, our bodies they flew,
- As the captain called out, 'what the Hell is this, Q?!"
- And, snapping his fingers, he vanished again.
- The spell was removed, and we crashed to the ground.
- Then Q, dressed in fur from head to toe,
- Appeared once again, to continue the show.
- "That's enough!" cried the captain, "You'll stop this at once!"
- And Riker said, "Worf, take aim at this dunce!"
- "I'm deeply offended, Jean-Luc,' replied Q,
- "I just wanted to celebrate Christmas with you."
- As we scoffed at his words, he produced a large sack.
- He dumped out the contents and took a step back.
- "I've brought gifts," he said, "just to show I'm sincere.
- There's someting delightful for everyone here."
- He sat on the floor, and dug into the pile,
- And handed out gifts with his most charming smile:
- "For Counselor Troi, there's no need to explain,
- Here's Tylenol-Beta for all of your pain.
- For Worf I've some mints, as his breath's not too great
- And for Geordi LaForge, an inflatible date.
- For Wesley, some horomones, and Clearasil-plus;
- For Data, a joke book, for Riker a truss.
- For Beverly Crusher, there's sleek lingerie,
- And for Jean-Luc, the thrill of just seeing her that way."
- And he sprang to his feet with that grin on his face,
- And, clapping his hands, disappeared into space.
- But we heard him exclaim as he dwindled from sight,
- "Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good flight!"
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