To: Highlander Regarding: His script

[ Follow Ups ] [ Post Followup ] [ Communication Forum ] [ FAQ ]

Posted by Mike Wright on March 20, 1997 at 20:18:54:

Not bad dude. Pretty good for a first crack at it I would say. The layout is only slightly different than mine, but I don't think mine is right anyways. You got a couple of spelling errors here and there, but we won't worry about that till the beautification stage. As for the layout, some of the words kinda seemed forced for the characters. Kinda like saying things it doesn't seem like they would say on the show. Like the beginning scene where the Defiant is coming out of the wormhole. You might want to say it more like this:

DAX:
I'm picking up elevated neutrino emmisions from the wormhole. It's opening.
KIRA:
On Screen.
SCREEN: Shows a ship drifting out of the wormhole as it closes.
WORF:
The Dominion?
DAX:
No. The warp signature matches that of a Federation starship. It looks heavily damaged...
KIRA:
Magnify.
SCREEN: Magnifies to show one heavily damaged USS Defiant.
KIRA:
What the hell? Computer, confirm the USS Defiant's location?
COMPUTER:
Location: Docking bay 3.

Just a suggestion of course. It just kinda seems weird for the word "hell" to apear so prominantly in a script. But as I said, it's very good for a first try. My first one was a similar one, where a Romulan ship comes through the wormhole heavily damaged, and they find out that some of the original fleet still survived. (Makes you wonder where they got the idea for "By inferno's light.") But the writing on that totally sucked, Worf was always calling O'Brien an ignorant dork. Imagine Worf saying that one. :-)

Follow Ups:

Re: Thanks I appreciate your input. Highlander 06:33:22 3/21/97 (5)
- Re: Thanks I appreciate your input. Mike Wright 19:46:16 3/21/97 (1)
  - Proprietary ideas Michael 15:46:45 3/22/97 (0)
- Re: Something I'd like to add Highlander 06:46:45 3/21/97 (2)
  - Having a model of DS9 helps. :-) Mike Wright 19:48:26 3/21/97 (0)
  - Defiant docked Michael 13:14:22 3/21/97 (0)

Post a Followup

Name:

E-Mail:

Subject:

Comments: : Not bad dude. Pretty good for a first crack at it I would say. The layout is only slightly different than mine, but I don't think mine is right anyways. You got a couple of spelling errors here and there, but we won't worry about that till the beautification stage. <G> As for the layout, some of the words kinda seemed forced for the characters. Kinda like saying things it doesn't seem like they would say on the show. Like the beginning scene where the Defiant is coming out of the wormhole. You might want to say it more like this: : <CENTER> : DAX: : I'm picking up elevated neutrino emmisions from the wormhole. It's opening. : KIRA: : On Screen. : SCREEN: Shows a ship drifting out of the wormhole as it closes. : WORF: : The Dominion? : DAX: : No. The warp signature matches that of a Federation starship. It looks heavily damaged... : KIRA: : Magnify. : SCREEN: Magnifies to show one heavily damaged USS Defiant. : KIRA: : What the hell? Computer, confirm the USS Defiant's location? : COMPUTER: : Location: Docking bay 3. : </CENTER> : Just a suggestion of course. It just kinda seems weird for the word "hell" to apear so prominantly in a script. But as I said, it's very good for a first try. My first one was a similar one, where a Romulan ship comes through the wormhole heavily damaged, and they find out that some of the original fleet still survived. (Makes you wonder where they got the idea for "By inferno's light.") But the writing on that totally sucked, Worf was always calling O'Brien an ignorant dork. Imagine Worf saying that one. :-)

Optional Link URL:
Link Title:

[ Follow Ups ] [ Post Followup ] [ Communication Forum ] [ FAQ ]